


She can, so she does

by kasiopeia



Category: Leverage
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 19:12:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasiopeia/pseuds/kasiopeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn't like feeling like this: all vulnerable, rejected and exposed. So she does what she does best. She runs. She steals. And she doesn't look back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She can, so she does

The first time it happened it took her by surprise. They had just finished a job and they were all at Nate's for dinner. Eliot had been cooking, of course, and when he put a bowl full of pasta goodness in front of her, she beamed up at him. He grinned back, and she felt a tug in her chest that stopped her smiling at once. Her food was suddenly very interesting so she didn't catch how his face fell just a little bit before he pulled himself together. 

 

 

The next time is on a job and she's more prepared. 

So she doesn't miss a beat and just walks on even if her arm is burning where he touched her.

 

 

It happens more and more.

She works hard on hiding it away. She thinks that if she doesn't feel it, it won't be there. She's not used to feelings; it just opens you up to pain and humiliation. 

(And Parker doesn't do humiliation thank you very much.)

 

 

Once, on a job, they have to pretend to be married. They are looking at a house for sale and the mark is showing them around. She's trying really hard to act normal, to not check out escape routes and crawl into anything. And Eliot is not making it easier. At all. 

He's touching her all the time, and she knows it's for the cover and that just makes her angry. Her skin tingles every time he's close to her and she knows now that she wants him to touch her because _he_ wants to, not because of the job. And that thrills and scares her in equal parts. But she has to put on a smile and be happy, because they are newlyweds who are about to buy their first house together. 

Eliot lays a hand on her waist and she turns sharply.

"What?" He looks at her a bit worried, but then his fake persona takes over.

"Honey, I was just asking you how you liked the bedroom."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten a bit lost in my own thoughts." She gives a fake giggle and leans into him. "I love the bedroom. I'm sure we can do a lot of fun things in here." She gives him a suggestive look and smiles even wider.

(What? Like she isn't going to take what she can get.)

What she isn't prepared for is the way his arm tightens around her waist and the way his eyes darken when he looks back. She's suddenly aware of just how close they are and she has to fight the temptation to just lean in and kiss him. She could do it, couldn't she? They are undercover after all, and it's allowed. She's just about to try it when his eyes flicks down to her mouth once before he blinks and pulls himself away, turning back to the mark. 

She wobbles a little on her feet without him there and she thinks that maybe, just maybe she wasn't the only one who wanted something more. 

And that lights a tiny spark of hope in her chest.

The rest of the job goes by in a blur and by some unseen circumstance, she and Eliot have to jump off a building on untested rope. 

She always gets the same feeling right after she does a tricky jump, (those who make her a tiny bit unsure if she's going to make it, but she's flying and what the hell, right?); it feels like she can do anything in the world.

And she can, so she does.

 

 

Eliot doesn't respond well to the kissing. He pulls away and he mumbles something about how he's not right for her and that they shouldn't be doing this and what about the team? 

And she doesn't feel like she's on the top of the world anymore. 

Parker isn't used to feeling like this and she doesn't know if she likes it. 

Scratch that. She _knows_ she doesn't like feeling like this: all vulnerable, rejected and exposed. 

So she does what she does best. She runs. She steals. And she doesn't look back.

 

 

She knows that Hardison probably knows where she is. But she also knows he won't go after her until she's ready to come back. She trusts him. And that feeling is just as complicated as everything else.

 

 

She goes to Paris and breaks into the Louvre. She doesn't find anything special about Mona Lisa's smile, but if she wanted to she now has five different ways of stealing her. 

But Parker thinks Mona Lisa looks content where she is and she suddenly finds herself jealous of a painting so she just leaves.

 

 

After thinking about it some more, she calls Hardison. Just because she knows he will worry, and somehow, somewhere he became her best friend and even if that ties her down, she doesn't want to lose it.

"Hi" she says softly when he picks up.

"Hi girl." She can hear the worried edge to his voice and she feels bad. Without wanting to, she almost cries and that isn't like her at all. When did she turn into this person that cries just by hearing two simple words?

"I'm sorry." she's relieved to hear that her voice doesn't shake.

"It's okay," Hardison says soothingly "I'm just glad you're calling."

They are both quiet for a while before he clears his throat. "Hey, what happened?"

She's quiet. She doesn't want to open herself up anymore, but she has this weird urge to tell him everything and let him make decisions for her.

He fills the silence for her. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want; I just miss you. Sophie and Nate worry. And Eliot has been walking around with a black cloud over his head the past few weeks. He's even snappier than usual and he likes it when jobs go rough and he gets to hit someone. Look, I know something happened and I just want to say that you can talk to me if you need to. You know that, right Parker?"

"I know. Thank you. I..." She breathes. "Thank you." she finishes pathetically. 

"Anytime girl. And I miss you, anytime you want to come home is fine by me."

"Okay" she smiles and when they've said goodbye, she uses some time thinking about the definition of home. 

After that she thinks of Eliot. She thinks she might know why he rejected her now, although it has to do with human relations and it's not one of her strengths. She wishes that she could ask Sophie, but she can't, so she has to trust her instincts. Her instincts make her angry, at herself for running and at Eliot for hiding. And she makes a decision. She makes the jump off the Eiffel Tower first, it's a bit windy and she feels like she's on the top of the world again. Like she can do anything she wants to.

So Parker goes home.

(Because apparently home is where the heart is, and she thinks she knows where she can steal one.)

 

 

She lands softly on his living room floor and Eliot freezes in place across the room from her. He doesn't say anything, but he looks weary. He also looks tired and worn out, dark circles under his eyes, but she refuses to feel sorry for him.

"I've decided that I'm angry at you," she says without any greeting. "I took a risk, and I know it's your choice to reject me if you like, but you don't get to do it because you think it's the right decision for me. And you don't get to do it without talking to me. This isn't something you can just push away or hide from! This is real, _I'm real_." Her eyes are shining and she can feel anger and frustration and just a tiny bit of joy because she finally found something worth fighting for and that might make it all alright. 

"Parker..." Eliot drags a hand over his face and sounds defensive. She won't have it. 

"No! You always tell yourself that you aren't good enough, and that you aren't worth loving. But that's bullshit! You are worth it and, dammit, I'm worth it." 

He looks at her then.

"I'm worth things getting messy and weird before they get better. I'm worth something more than you pretending everything is normal, I'm not a dirty little secret."

"Park..." But she wants to get it all out now, in case she doesn't have the nerve again.

"You don't have to believe in yourself because I believe in you. I can believe in both of us, and I believe that we are worth a shot. And even if it does go wrong, at least we tried. And right now..."

And then she isn't speaking anymore, but she really doesn't mind because he's kissing her. His hand is in her hair and his mouth is hot against hers. And it's perfect. She lets out a small moan and with a growl in the back of his throat he wraps his arm around her waist and drags her against him, deepening the kiss. 

A little while later he pulls his mouth away from hers, but he keeps them tight together. They are both breathing hard and his eyes are almost black. 

"This won't be easy."

"I know." 

"Parker."

"I know." 

Kissing him again, she feels like she's almost flying. Like she can do anything she wants.

And she can, so she does.


End file.
